Catharsis

                                           "Not your shame"

" I was not born to carry your fear,

Nor to be the echo of your suppressed tear.

I was the bloom in your garden of hope;

Yet you trimmed me, called me "wrong," told me to cope.

You couldn’t accept what you didn’t understand,

So you crushed my soul with your nurturing hand.

Behind every smile I wore like it was mine,

Was a wound you stitched deeper within.

With passing time I thought you would see clear.

But silence stayed, you turned your face,

While I kept ignoring, the hurt came my way.

I didnt sin- I only felt.

A sacred emotion that in silence dwelt.

But you saw impurity where I saw light,

And turned my sunrise into endless night.

In your world of whispers, I became a name of disgrace and distaste,

Even among similar faces-I had no space.

Accused for moments, for choices soft and true,

For a purity of heart... that simply didn't resonate with you.

though unconventional , It wasn't irrational.

though complex , it had a context.

should i blame you or the stars that don't seem to align.

I wanted to speak ,but you drowned my sound, mocked me, broke me, spread it around.

I tried to love right, but all you saw was a reason to tighten your rule, your law.

Yes, maybe some of this is karmic thread,

But must I bleed till I am dead?

How long till peace comes knocking my way?

How long must I kneel, night and day?

In pain and prayers I loose my might.

Still, I rise from this silent abyss,

Crying through scars no one would fathom.

Distracting myself, felt like the only option.

One-way the joy would hug me - would be during the day,

letting me be, my happy self, wishing smiles on the way.

because i know when the dawn hits; it would be a different story.

My rage would hums loud,

My mind replays, regrets, resents-  keeping all the tabs of life that I wish to repent.

Do you know how it feels, 

when someone constantly taunts at you on repeat??

If I hadn’t felt, hadn’t dreamt at all,

Would I have been allowed to stand tall?

If I erased every trace of action done by me,

Would you finally set my soul free?

But I can't because - I Felt.

And I won’t apologize for what I held.

So no, I am not your shame,

Not your burden, not your blame.

I am a story still being written,

A truth unbroken, brave and bold.

And while your eyes may never see,

The divine still whispers - "You are free!."

So, holding the beckon, I will continue;

Until I have spent all the strength I knew.

 

- SakWritesInsights